My boyfriend is trans but I’m straight and I don’t know how I feel about it. Is it bad if I break up with him?
K: Hello! I hear this situation come up a lot and is something I have an opinion on that others may well disagree with. This isn’t an easy situation to deal with and is something I’ve spoken about with ex-partners of mine before as well (but mainly in light of what would happen if I ever de-transitioned).
Personally, I can fully accept and understand the reasons why you feel unable to continue with the relationship. You’re straight and therefore are attracted to women exclusively so therefore it makes logical sense why you could not be with a man.
However, if you stayed with him it would not mean you see him as a woman but you can look beyond gender because of the feelings you have for him. It definitely doesn’t make you a bad person if you can’t date a man and doesn’t make you any less straight if you continue being with him.
You just need to ask yourself whether you think you’re able to be with a man and are comfortable with it. Maybe give it some time to see how you feel. But what you ultimately decide to do, isn’t wrong.
Just make sure you handle the situation carefully and respectfully. If you do decide to end the relationship make sure he understands that it isn’t because he’s trans* but because he is a man.
I just want to thank you for making this blog. I've been kinda struggling to kinda decide if I really am trans, and this blog kinda served as a "therapy" for that and made me feel better about this whole thing. It sounds kinda weird the way I worded it but that's anyway.
K: I’m glad this blog is helping you! Thank YOU! :)
I've been struggling with my gender for a while; say about four years. It's been FtM to bi-gender and now, well, I don't know what I am.... I want a flat chest (currently a 34/36 DDD), lean muscles and broader shoulders. But I also want to keep some of my curves and my vagina and be a very feminine guy but be called by male pronouns. What do I even call myself?
K: To be honest, I don’t know. It’ll be easy for me to sit here and tell you not to worry about labels and just do whatever makes you happy/comfortable. But I know labels are important for a lot of people. It took me about 4 years before I had a label that I felt fitted. I often still question what I label my gender and feel as if there isn’t one that completely describes me.
My view is: just because you are happy with the genitals you currently have and wish to keep them, or are happy to have what is considered ‘the opposite’ for your gender doesn’t make you any less FTM. So I wouldn’t rule out FTM just on that basis. You can be male or a man and still be happy with having a vagina and some curves. Everyone’s transition is completely different and there is no ‘correct’ way to transition. A lot of guys (cis and trans*) have curves and are feminine and are okay/happy with that.
For me, gender is way more than what genitals you wish to have and how you present yourself. It’s how you feel and perceive yourself to be. Ask yourself if you’re a man, woman, neither, somewhere in-between or something else. I’m not expecting you to be able to answer that immediately but you need to have a think about your gender and how you feel, rather than how you dress. Ask yourself whether you’re comfortable with being seen as a woman or a man. If you find that you’re not comfortable with either, that’s fine. You’re one step closer to defining your gender.
What I found helped me was I Googled a ton of gender identities and went through them. It helped me to think about how I felt towards my gender. Reading about tons of identities introduced me to the language to talk about my gender that I never had before. Before, I knew how I felt but didn’t have the language to express it.
I’m sorry that I can’t be more helpful, but I hope this has some-what helped.
I have a question that i've been dying to know, but i'm afraid to ask tumblr because they are going to think i mean to offend them, but i promise i don't. Okay, so i know not all women have vaginas, but why do some women who have a penis call it a vagina? I just think when trans woman's call their penis a clit, it has the potential to confuse people who have vaginas and are genuinely curious about themselves. And god knows health class are already not teaching young women about their anatomy
K: Many trans* people call their genitals whatever they are comfortable with. I personally go between vagina, penis, willy and a few others. Generally, I’ve not found that it confuses anyone because I only talk about my genitals with those who know what I have. So they’re aware that what I’m calling it is just what I’m calling it.
People will use whatever words/terms they are happy with and cause the lesser amount of discomfort.
(part 1) Hello! I'm working on a report for my college sociology course. We're supposed to interview someone who's life that is different from our own, and report on the experiences the person has had that we have not. I really want to interview someone who is trans* and expand awareness, even if it is for just my one class. I was wondering if you could ask your followers if one of them would be alright with being interviewed? If they message me I can give them the phone number of my professor
(part 2) so they can be sure this is legit, and my own skype account and email address. The interviewee would remain completely anonymous if they wished. I’d really appreciate this. (Preferably, I’m looking for someone who’s comfortable sharing possibly triggering experiences and maybe a photo of themselves with me). Thank you!
i was just wondering.how to come out to my family. Maybe you can post this and some people can help me out. my parents are a bit religious and have had quite a bit of an issue when they found out i was gay/lesbian. i am ftm if that helps. i also have two siblings younger than 9 so that might make things harder but i just need help to come out as trans* i cant take it anymore hiding and pretending to be okay with myself. maybe you can provide links or suggestions or experiences or something.(1/2)
(2/2) i just need help. and i think the community on this website is truly amazing. please message me or comment please. thank you guys. -Austin
Why have you been so inactive the past couple of months?
K: Hey, I’ve been keeping up with running the blog when I can but as I’m expecting my first child next month I’ve been super busy. I also recently graduated from uni’ and moved house… so a lot has been going on.
Sorry that posts are some-what irregular but I’m getting through submissions when I can :)
Okay, so I want to come out (Im ftm) to my friends but Im really nervous. I dont think I have a reason to worry (Mosy of my friends are in the LGBT+ community), but still. Do you have any tips on how to go about telling them? Thanks for your time.
K: Hello! It’s good to hear that your friends should be supportive.
I personally feel that the best way is via a letter and direct them to resources or provide them yourself, so they can educate themselves (if they don’t have much knowledge). I also always tell people I come out to that I welcome questions because it makes them feel more at ease. No matter the question, unless I feel it’s too personal, I answer. I have sometimes corrected some things but done so politely (so I’m not attacking them because I understand they are not saying it to be hurtful etc) so they know what the correct thing to say is.
Maybe consider Facebook messaging them as a group? Some people may feel it’s a bit impersonal but it worked for me. I felt a bit odd handing them a physical letter, but if that way works better for you… then go for it.
My letter just contained a brief explanation of what it meant, which pronouns to use for me, what name to refer to me as and other information like that. Along with resources so they could go away and read up on it and then come back with any questions they have.
K: Trigger warnings are often mentioned before discussing a topic that contains themes that could potentially trigger people. You usually give a brief explanation of the trigger beforehand. So, for example, “Trigger Warning: Sexism.” When someone is triggered by the discussion or mention of something it causes negative reactions such as flashbacks to a time when they experienced it first-hand. This is why only a brief explanation is given so people can make the decision whether to continue reading or listening.
I don't think you can get pregnant while on testosterone. Testosterone is toxic in large amounts to a developing fetus, if you did happen to become pregnant and continued with the shots you would miscarry.
K: What you’re talking about is completely different and you are completely correct. The original anon’ was asking if it was possible to get pregnant while on T - which is entirely possible.
You are discussing whether it is possible to continue on with the pregnancy while on T - which is not possible.
You can get pregnant while on T but if you wanted to keep the baby then you would have to come off of T for the 9 months, like I did.
When I was in the early stages of pregnancy I was told by a few doctors that the testosterone would harm the baby and potentially lead to a miscarriage, if continued throughout. But as I told them that I hadn’t had a single shot since being pregnant I was then told the baby would be fine. Having just one shot would not necessarily lead to a miscarriage but it could, if I had a female fetus, masculinise it - according to the doctors I have seen. So it’s not that much of a worry if you’ve had one shot (according to my doctor, but it would need to be looked at) but you cannot continue on as normal with the shots.
To sum up: you can get pregnant while on T but if you wish to keep the baby then you need to come off T.
what are the chances of getting pregnant while on t?
K: I’m not exactly sure on the chances but it can happen. I know of a few people who have gotten pregnant while on T, it’s not uncommon. I technically didn’t get pregnant while on T but I did very shortly after missing an injection, and I was on T for over two years at that point.
You should always be careful and aware that there is some chance, no matter how slim.
yo regarding trigger warnings, I use tumblr saviour. If I list cats as a trigger, it will then block #cats, #cats tw, #cats fluffy rainbow cake etc., so could you tag posts "#trigger tw" instead of "tw trigger"
K: Hey, of course. I’ll start to use that tag straight away :)
I know you have a trigger warning up, but is there any way you could tag the more triggering posts? For instance, although as a trans-person I can relate to a lot of these, I'd rather NOT relate or remember/relive posts like "you know you're trans when you come out and your parents tell you politely to go die at war" or other similar painful unsupporting things. Just an idea.
K: Hey, this was considered back when I started the blog however it became problematic in several ways. The main one was the trigger warning would only be able to be put on at the end of the post because I would rather put on a trigger warning stating briefly what the subject matter is.
As the only doable way is to put it under the sentence it would defeat the object of having it in the first place. I understand completely that there is a lot of content on there that can trigger people but the most realistic way is to have a trigger warning on the blog, as a whole.
I’m sorry that this way isn’t possible but if anyone has any further suggestions on how to make trigger warnings more effective then I will happily look in them.
*Edit* - Apologies, I have just re-read this question through and I completely misread it. I will start tagging all posts I feel could trigger people by simply using the tag “trigger warning” and “tw”. I hope this is what you were asking for and that it helps you and others.
You Know You’re Trans* When: #2673 You see “Mr. and Ms.” under the title option on a form and are about to click that when you realize it is for a married couple and not someone who identifies as both.